Movies-n-Stuff

So, our good friend Amelia came up from Tampa town this weekend and we did some stuff and drove around a bit. We went to a Cuban themed birthday party and ate some fat sandwiches at a restaurant called Fat Sandwich. Then we sat around for little bit.

I also found about this place called the library. They let you check out movies for FREE!

It's almost like Netflix, except cheaper, not as good of a selection and you still have to pick up and drop off the movies, which I may be able to get out of, if I can convince Leslee to do it for me.

Movies watched:

Irma Vep

MASH (1970)

The Prestige

The Stranger (1946)

What The Bleep Do We Know

Night and The City (1950)

The Bank Dick (1940)

Movies Re-watched:

Barton Fink

Junebug

6 in. Golden Sandwich – This is a very thin sandwich.
1 Ft. Golden Sandwich – This sandwich is also very thin, but slightly fatter than the previous thin sandwich.

2 Ft. Golden Sandwich – This sandwich is somewhat thin, but after you finish eating it, all you'll need is an after-sandwich mint, or a pickle spear to tide you over.

3 Ft. Golden Sandwich – I would call this sandwich "plump" or "thick", but I wouldn't want it to be offended.

4 Ft. Golden Sandwich – You need about a two hour post sandwich nap-time for this one.

5 Ft. Golden Sandwich – This is THE Fat Sandwich (from Fat Sandwich on Railroad and Gaines in Tallahassee, Fl. – 850-222-5505)

Irma Vep:

This is an interesting film. It's French with a Chinese main character and is about a film crew doing a remake of a real (in real life) silent film, "Les Vampires" from 1915. There's not much of a plot, it's more of a day in the life of these people. The has-been director brings in a female star from China that the make-up girl ends up having a crush on, but then the director ends up having a nervous breakdown. It's really like a multi-lingual Robert Altman film.

3 Ft. 6 Inches of Golden Sandwich

MASH (1970): Speaking of Robert Altman films. Holy crap! This is pure genius. I can't believe I've never seen it before. I think I always thought that it was going to be just like the TV show, and I had seen so much of the TV show that I didn't really have to bother seeing the movie, but man was I wrong. Set in Korean War, it's really just about a bunch of surgeons trying to have a good time in the middle of a war. A lot of it is just chaotic, but that's where all of the humor comes from. It makes so much sense that they made a TV show out of this movie.

5 Ft. of Golden Sandwich (I think this is my first five footer!)

The Prestige:

So Leslee and I are a couple in deep turmoil. I say "The Prestige" is better than "The Illusionist", and she says the opposite. I'm right, though, just so you know… and that would make her wrong.
Anyways, it's hard not to compare the two. The Prestige is simply a better made movie and that matters a lot to me. Leslee claims there is a little more mystery with The Illusionist. I do agree that there should be a little more mystery at the end of both movies. They are wrapped up a little too tight. If they threw a Lynchian style ending in there, I would be much happier, but then they wouldn't sell nearly as many tickets.
To me it comes down to the directing. Christopher Nolan is just simply a better director than what's his face. Period. Also, Michael Caine rules.
Plus, there's more in "The Prestige" than just magic. Other things happen, none of which I can speak of.

3 Ft. 6 Inches of Disappearing Sandwich

The Stranger (1946):

I watched a few "oldies" this week. I've been in that kind of mood lately. This stars and was directed by Orson Welles. It also stars Edward G. Robinson, see…and Loretta Young. It's about a Nazi in hiding (Welles), who suspiciously has no accent at all, and the guy (Robinson) who, in his free time, enjoys chasing Nazis around. So, anyway, this nazi is living in this nice little American city, and has gotten a nice young lady (Young) to fall in love with by using his evil Nazi come hither look. So, some stuff happens and the Nazi hunter, eventually gets some stuff straightened out and there may be a death or two. It's pretty alright.

3 Ft. 6 Inches of Golden Sandwich

What the Bleep Do We Know:

Apparently, I didn't know anything…and on top of that, now I have a headache.

2 Ft. 6 Inches of Golden Sandwich that may or may not exist, depending on whether you are looking at it or not.

Night and The City: This was a library find. It's a Criterion Collection release, which always means Koala-ty. A film noir about a slimy conman who comes this close (that doesn't quite work in writing does it) to being a big wig in the boxing promoting scene in London. But, since he's a screw-up, he screws things up. Richard Widmark plays this loser perfectly. He doesn't do anything good throughout the whole movie and somehow you are still rooting for him. Maybe it's because you see some of the people who love him and you want him to do good for them. I don't know. It's definitely worth a watch, though. There are some great extras on the DVD, too.

4 Ft. of Black and White Sandwich

The Bank Dick: Another library find, and also a Criterion Collection release. This is known as one of WC Fields best movies. WC Fields was a very funny guy. You can see his influence in everyone from Peter Sellers to Chris Farley and many others. My only problem is that, when I watch this movie, between the laughs, all I can think about is how white it is. There was one "minority" in the whole movie. It was a black guy, standing behind WC Fields in line at the bank, Fields sees him and does a very startled jump and steps aside. Now, I feel like I wouldn't have noticed how white the movie really is if they hadn't put that scene in. Anyways, if you only like white people, you'll probably like this movie.

3 Ft. of Golden Sandwich

Coming Up in the Queueueueue:

35 Up

Mean Streets (Which I have never seen and am very excited about)

The Times of Harvey Milk

Kung Fu Zombie

Heavy Metal Parking Lot (of which I am also very excited)

Sore Losers

42 Up

Library finds:

Fritz Lang's M. (1931)

Rififi (1955)

First Season of MASH

Movies I've Watched-n-Stuff

So, last week kinda sucked, then the weekend was okay, then this week has started off kinda suckin' again. My buddy Kev, from work, is leaving. I went to the doc and found out that I have a heel spur, which explains why my foot has been hurtin', and he told me that my blood pressure is about to burst through the top of my skull. I just hope that I can catch it on film, so I can put it on YouTube. Leslee and I went to Jacksonville and celebrated my sister and brother-in-law's birthdays at Dave & Buster's. We also ate some cheese with some friends who were totally awesome enough to let us stay at their place. It was tight. In between all of that I watched a crap load of movies!

6 in. Golden Sandwich – They licked your sandwich. GROSS!!
1 Ft. Golden Sandwich – They sneezed somewhere within the vicinity of your sandwich.
2 Ft. Golden Sandwich – They looked at your sandwich funny.
3 Ft. Golden Sandwich – They used gloves!
4 Ft. Golden Sandwich – They used gloves and you got the cute little toothpicks with the frilly things on top.
5 Ft. Golden Sandwich – This is a magic sandwich, it made itself. There is no room for human error.

Movies Watched:
Nine Lives
Code 46
The Departed
Hard Candy
Wild Parrots of Telegraph Hill
7up, 7 plus 7, 21up, 28up (4 whole movies – holy crap!)
My Favorite Year
The Man Who Would Be King
Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
My Architect: A Son's Journey


Nine Lives:
Nine stories about nine ladies who live all sorts of tragic lives. There's the
one who has buck teeth and webbed feet who's pet gerbil doesn't love her
anymore and this other one has, like, 48 cats and so on and on. They are all
very tragic. Seriously, though, there are, like, a million people in this movie.
To many to name. There are some good performances and some not so
good. Maybe you should rent it, see how many famous people you can
name and cry a little bit. It'll be good for you.
3 Ft. of psychologically abused Sandwich

Code 46:
This stars Tim Robbins, the cutest person on planet Earth, Samantha
Morton, and is directed by Michael Winterbottom, who I have found as a
pretty interesting guy. He seems to enjoy switching around genres, styles
and actors. Code 46 is a futuristic drama about and investigator (Robbins)
who is searching for a forger ( Morton). They meet and hang out and end
up doing some stuff together. What I liked most about the Movie is that
they don't just lay everything out for you. This future has different slang,
sayings, and names for things and you just kind of figure it out as the movie
proceeds The languages and races are less distinguishable. Jar Jar Binks
also makes an appearance.
3 Ft. of Futuristic Gold Plated Sandwich

The Departed:
When I heard that Martin Scorsese was remaking the Japanese crime
drama "Infernal Affairs", I was super excited. It's the perfect project for
him. Gangsters, cops, good story and plenty of death. I really think this is
his best movie since "Goodfellas", and it actually made me want to watch
"Goodfellas" again…so I did…and that made want to watch "Jackie
Brown" for some reason…so I did. Then I watched "Pulp Fiction". It's just
a long vicious cycle. Matt Damon, who I'm not a big fan of, is tolerable.
My only complaint in the acting department came from Mark Wahlberg and
Martin Sheen, who are playing a game of "good cop, bad cop" through the
whole movie and don't have a lot of chemistry. Then there is Jack
Nicholson. My prediction is that Jack Nicholson will win an Oscar for his
role as an Irish mob boss and Martin Scorsese will finally receive a much
deserved Best Director statue. I could have lived without the love triangle,
but without it you would probably be able to actually see the testosterone
oozing from the screen.
4 and half Ft. of Golden Sandwich

Hard Candy:
So, there's this guy who's name is Jeff and he may or may not be a
pedophile. Then there's Hayley, who may or may not be a totally psycho
fourteen year old with a chip on her shoulder. When these two meet up,
who knows what can happen!? This is one of those movies that makes your
face contort in all sorts of strange ways. I ended up actually speaking in a
higher octave for about three days after seeing it. It's worth a watch.
4 Ft. of Golden Sandwich

Wild Parrots of Telegraph Hill:
This reminded me of, like, a mid-seventies National Geographic special, or
something. Maybe Jacques Cousteau's commentary would say something
like "Luke at zee way zee burdz poop". They even had some atrocious
new-age crap-rock for a soundtrack. Nonetheless it's a fun non-threatening
little documentary about a flock of "wild" parrots at San Francisco's
Telegraph Hill and the Hobo-like dude that feed them and doctor's them
up. You should watch it if you like birds and crap.
3 Ft. of Chicken Sandwich (we all know that parrots hate chickens)

7 Up series (7, 14, 21, 28):
These are the first 4 movies in Michael Apted's long-running documentary
series about a group of English kids in different classes of society. Every 7
years a movie is made updating us on all of their successes, failures and
British accents. The first movie is only about a half an hour and is total
chaos. The others get longer as the kids get older, following up on
questions asked in the previous movies, while also showing previous
answers. Did I mention that they all have adorable accents? Some of
them quit the series as they get older. Some of them continually say stupid
crap and apologize in the following movie. They are definitely worth
checking out.
4 and a Half Ft. of Golden Sandwich (Which I will eat a bite of every 7
seconds)

My Favorite Year:
This stars Peter O'Toole as a drunken, out of control movie star who is
supposed to perform in a live variety show and the guy (Larry Appleton
from Perfect Strangers) who is given the task of following him around to
make sure everything goes alright. Stuff happens and then every learns a life
lesson.
2 Ft. of Golden Bartokomous Sandwich

The Man Who Would Be King:
It would be totally sweet if I went somewhere and they'd never seen fat,
hairy white guys before and they thought I was some kind of god and they
fed me things and got me stuff and I could sit around and watch movies all
day while they gave me foot rubs and trimmed up miscellaneous hairs such
as back, knuckle and eyebrow… oh, wait… That's why I got married.
3 Ft. Of Golden Sandwich

I sincerely apologize to everyone for this review. Under these
circumstances I totally understand if you are compelled to unsubscribe from
my blog. I will not be offended.
5 Ft. of Apologetic Sandwich

Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby:
This review is sponsored by Home Depot.
Unlike the previously reviewed Will Ferrell movie "Kicking and
Screaming", this movie actually has some funny parts. It's interesting how
similar the character of Ricky Bobby is to his George W. Bush impression
on SNL. The biggest laughs for me came from Ricky's arch nemesis, the
gay Frenchman Jean Girrard, played by Sacha Baron Cohen. The beautiful
thing is that this movie brings together all the NASCAR fans and the
people who make fun of them, such as myself, and has them laugh, side by
side. I just hope they know, now that they've seen this movie, how dumb
they look.
3 Ft. of Golden Sandwich

My Architect:
Emphasis on the "My". The architect referred to here is Louis Kahn, who
liked the ladies, and had three families, all at one time, with one child in
each family. He was only married to one of the ladies, but damn that guy
was a playa. Anyways, the dude that made this was one of his illegitimates
and obviously wants a little time in the spotlight. Hence, the "My" in the
title. It is an interesting story, though, one that no one would really care
about if his pops wasn't famous, but he's got lots of pictures of pretty
buildings and things in there too, if that's the sort of thing that you like.
2 Ft. 6 inches of Golden Sandwich

I've also been watchin' some "My Name is Earl" on DVD and it rules!

Movies-n-Stuff-n-Stuff

So, this was a crazy weekend. We went down to Orlando and met my new nephew for the very first time. His name is Josiah and he has what some of us were calling “Old Man-Face”. He’s also extremely cute and cuddly. I realized this weekend that I am happiest when I am around a big group of little kids who like to climb on you, scratch your face and ram you with their little tiny (but very hard) heads. Seriously, it’s not nearly as fun when adults do these sorts of things. Those short little people, even the ones who are scared of me, just put a smile on my face. I also wanted to talk about one of my weaknesses in life. I will watch ANY movie. This is something that I try to control, but don’t have much success. This explains why I watched 20 to 30 minute portions of both “The Dukes of Hazard” (the movie) and “Captain Ron” (Mature Thomas will be very proud) on cable this weekend. It also explains some of the movies I watched over the last week. I am powerless.

6 in. Golden Sandwich – They forgot the meat! (or meat substitute)
1 Ft. Golden Sandwich – They forgot the bread!
2 Ft. Golden Sandwich – They forgot cheese!
3 Ft. Golden Sandwich – They added extra mustard, for free!
4 Ft. Golden Sandwich – They added extra cheese, for free!
5 Ft. Golden Sandwich – They added extra meat (or meat substitute), for free! You got the hook-up!!


Movies Watched:
Monsturd
Kicking and Screaming (Not that one, this one)
The Science of Sleep
The In-Laws (1973)
The Island

Monsturd
Genre: Crappy (oh no, I didn’t)
Every once in a while a movie comes along that makes you reevaluate the way you look at life. It comes along and makes you realize that your dreams can become reality and that reality is going to be awesome. It takes you places you never wanted to go and when you get there you realize it’s the only place you’ve ever really wanted to be. In other words this movie is turdific.
2 Ft. 6 Inches of Big Monster Turd Sandwich.

Kicking and Screaming
Genre: Horrendous News Bears
This is “Kicking and Screaming” with Will Ferrell and Robert Duvall. I think I may have forced out a snicker or two in the first half, but during the second half of this movie I was rendered completely laughless. I don’t understand how talented people end up in movies like this. It’s no “Monsturd” that’s for sure.
1 Ft. of Golden Sandwich

The Science of Sleep
Genre: Dreamy
This had a lot to live up to. Michel Gondry is one of favorite directors, for movies and music videos. I have watched both “Eternal Sunshine” and “Human Nature” many many times, and really enjoyed “Dave Chappelle’s Block Party”. I gotta tell you, it really lived up to my expectations. This seems to me like the kind of movie Gondry really wants to make. The whole thing felt like a stream of consciousness. There’s not really much of a story, just a boy and a girl who have crushes on each other but can’t seem to get it together enough to really enjoy each other. Gael Garcia Bernal plays Stephane, the real troublemaker in the relationship. Stephane confuses his dreams with reality and vice versa, and this is where Gondry really shines. The dream sequences are great, full of creativity and stop-motion animation. I should stop now before this starts sounding too much like a real movie review.4 Ft. 6 Inches of Golden Sandwich

The In-Laws (1973)
Genre: Columbo
Starring Alan Arkin and Peter Falk as soon to be in-laws meeting for the first time. Peter Falk, unbeknownst to his family has some crazy schemes a-brewin’ and takes his soon to be in-law along for the ride. There are a few slow parts, but for the most part is great! Alan Arkin is a master comedian and Peter Falk plays a perfect untrusting shady character. If only these fine actors were still alive. That would be great.4 Ft. of Golden Sandwich

The Island
Genre: Bozo the Clone
So, I was at Blockbuster the other day and they had a 4 for $20 sale on some used DVDs and I was like, “Don’t mind if I do”. So, anyway, I had 3 movies, one of which was “Monsturd”, and I was looking for a fourth. It was kinda slim pickins, and then I noticed a copy of “The Island”. I had read plenty of mixed reviews, which is good for a big ol’ action flick directed by Michael “Testosterone” Bay. Usually his reviews are down right awful. So, I picked it up and was on my way. Then I made the mistake of actually watching it. It sucks.1 Ft. 6 inches of blown-up Sandwich

Coming Up in the Queueueueueueue:
Seven Up/7 Plus Seven
Hard Candy
Wild Parrots of Telegraph Hill
My Architect
What the Bleep Do We Know
Sore Losers
Fail-Safe
Battle Royale