Movies-n-Junk

I've been feeling the Christmas burn. Does anyone else feel the same way? The only thing that's saving me is the James Brown Christmas CD I've been jammin'. Other than that I'm sick of it already and we've still got 2 weeks until it's over.

A couple of weird things happened to me this week. Leslee and I were taking a walk in our neighborhood the other day and saw the top portion of a set of dentures laying in someone's yard. It was pretty sweet.
Second, if you've lived in Tallahassee long enough, you get to know the town folk pretty well. There's the guy with the huge belly dangling from the bottom of his shirt. He enjoys walking frumpily down the sidewalk and flipping you the bird. Then there's the lady in front of the homeless shelter, who makes sloppy, wet kissy faces at passers-by, which is one of my fondest first memories of Tally. Lastly, There's the lady with giant buzooms. I'm thinking probably 98 double Q's or something. She moseys slowly everywhere she goes. She's got one of those crazy kind of looks that most people avoid like a rabid squirrel. So, anyways, this lady, who is extremely noticeable, tried to pick my pocket yesterday! I was walking through Kleman Plaza, we made eye contact, I did my usual human to human acknowledgment, then she casually tried to reach into my man-purse. I swatted her hand away and she just stared at me. I kept walking, turned around, and she was still staring. Then I was like, "God, I can't wait to blog about this." It was awesome.

Holiday Sandwiches (I guess most holiday sandwiches would include some sort of desert, at least this is all my imagination could come up with)

6 in. Golden Sandwich – This sandwich has lumps of coal on it.
1 Ft. Golden Sandwich – This sandwich has 2 year-old fruitcake on it.
2 Ft. Golden Sandwich – This sandwich has 1 year-old fruitcake on it.
3 Ft. Golden Sandwich – This sandwich has fresh fruitcake on it.
4 Ft. Golden Sandwich – This sandwich has cookies and milk on it and must be eaten by your parents late on Christmas Eve.
5 Ft. Golden Sandwich – This is a ginger bread sandwich.

Movies Watched:

Salesman (1969)

Beales of Grey Gardens

Casino Royale (2006)

Reel Paradise

The Beastmaster

49 Up

Rockers (1978)

Slither

The Long Goodbye (1973)

Wilbur (Wants to Kill Himself)

Troy

Man Without a Past

Black Christmas (1974)

Movies Rewatched:

Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory

Layer Cake

Salesman (1969):

This is a documentary I've been wanting to see for a long time, but had a hard time finding it anywhere. I was shocked to discover it in the library. Who would of thought that place was good for anything? This is a Maysles Brothers film, just like the next review.
This is about a group of ruthless bible salesman in the late sixties. They will do or say anything to sell a $50 bible to anyone. If it's just the wife home, they try to convince them to buy the bible as a surprise, if it's just the husband they guilt him into it by telling him how good it would be for his family and if the wife tries to interfere, you hear the inevitable "who wears the pants" line. If you don't buy, they reluctantly leave your house and immediately start making fun of you, your ethnicity and sometimes even your religion. It's amazing. My jaw was on the floor. You finding yourself rooting against them the whole time.
4 Ft. 6 Inches of Golden Sandwich that I'll sell for 6 easy installments of $7.95

Beales of Grey Gardens:

This is a follow-up to the classic 1974 documentary 'Grey Gardens'. The 90 minutes of footage was shot around the same time as the original, but never released. If you haven't seen the original and you enjoy documentaries, you should watch both. Right now! These women were amazing. Relatives of Jackie O., they still talk like they are members of high society, but their dilapidated house and shabby clothes tell another story. They live with a ridiculous amount of cats, they have raccoons living with them, side by side, and all they eat is ice cream. Yet, they're spirits are up and they seem to have a grand old time living together, yelling at each other and telling stories. The extra features on this Criterion Collection disc, including many Maysles Brothers interviews, are fantastic. Totally worth putting in your queueueue or just buying.

5 Ft. of Golden Sandwich

Casino Royale (2006):

So, I'm not much into Bond. I actually don't think I've ever even seen a Bond flick all the way through before, but I thought Daniel Craig was an interesting choice, so I figured I'd give it a shot. It was mostly worth it. There's tons of fun action and cheesy dialogue. There's lots of hot half-nekkid Daniel Craig, and surpisingly not that much half-nekkid ladies. That's one thing I liked, most every character, man or woman, good or bad, is a strong character. There's no room for weaklings in this Bond world.
It's a big ol' fun action flick worth a little looky-loo.

3 Ft. of Golden Sandwich Phone

Reel Paradise:

This is a documentary about the Pierson Family. John, who is best known for helping discover, among others, Michael Moore, Spike Lee and Richard Linklater. They go to Fiji to show free movies at a shabby old movie theatre in the middle of nowhere. While they are there, their house gets broken into a couple of times and they get all mad and eventually get over it. That's about the only threatening thing that happens. The most interesting part is how much more the kids are affected by Fiji. They're in their teens and adapt very quickly to the culture and schools. Their parents, on the other hand, see it as more of a year-long vacation, so they don't really try to absorb the culture much at all. The whole movie is pretty non-threatening and happy. I prefer dark and depressing, but whatever.

3 Ft. of Golden Sandwich

The Beastmaster:

What more could you want in a movie. There's a dude that can communicate with animals and he's totally ripped. I wonder how much double-sided tape they used for Marc Singer's loincloth. Seriously though, can you imagine a world where this dude and Dr. Doolittle coexisted. If they teamed up they could totally take over the world. On the other hand if they didn't like each other, which I think is the more realistic choice, the world would probably spiral into chaos and mass hysteria. Dr. Doolittle would obviously be the good side and Beastmaster would be the bad (or the dark) side. Ultimately, I think good would triumph, but who knows. Or, maybe, Dr. Doolittle would get control over the cute, fluffy animals, like bunnies and squirrels, and Beastmaster would get control over the ugly animals, like vultures and ugly squirrels. Then I think Beastmaster would probably win. I'm thinking they should do some sort of cross-over comic book or something.
2 Ft. of Golden Sandwich

49 Up:

I'm starting to get sick of talking about these movies. So, I'll talk about something else. When I used to work at Vinyl Fever (a record store in Tallahassee), I used to do ordering for the reggae section. I am a huge reggae fan, and have a pretty big collection, but the thing that was great was you never new what you were going to get when you opened the reggae order box. Usually it was just a matter of the records condition. The copyright laws are (or were) different over there, so pretty much anyone can sell anything by any artist. Ultimately, what happens is everyone has poor pressings and sometimes stuff (dirt, leaves, junk) would be pressed into the vinyl records. A few times we even found marijuana seeds being used for what seemed to be packing material. Very funny. Anyway, the next movie made me think of all of this.
By the way, 49 Up is good.
4 Ft. of Golden Sandwich

Rockers (1978):

This is a Jamaican flick about a dude who buys a motorcycle so he can become a music distributor and be in a band at a hotel (or something like that). He proceeds to get his bike stolen and tries to seek revenge. The plot doesn't really matter, but the music does. Every once in a while people break out in song, and it's fantastic. I've had the soundtrack for a long time, but didn't realize that everyone on the soundtrack is also in the movie. For example, Gregory Isaacs, Jacob Miller, Burning Spear, Big Youth, Dillinger, and the list goes on. There's also a character named Horsemouth. It's pretty sweet.
3 Ft. 6 Inches of Lawd-a-mercy Golden Sandwich

Slither:

If you enjoy cheesy horror, I suggest you see this movie. It rules hard! It's definitely a throwback to 80's cheese horror. I felt like I was 12, watching Critters at 1 AM on Cinemax without my parents knowledge. It almost seems like, although not credited as, a remake of the 1975 David Cronenberg flick 'Shiver'. The names pretty similar and it's about creepy crawly slug-like creatures that get under your skin and take over your body. This has a dry sense of humor and not-to real effects. Totally worth a watch.
3 Ft. 6 Inches of Slug Sandwich

The Long Goodbye (1973):

This a classic Robert Altman film, that I had never seen before. It stars Elliott Gould as Philip Marlowe, a bumbling, mumbling private detective. He falls into a murder plot along the beaches of Malibu and finds himself in over his head. It's one of the plots that you can't quite figure out until the end. I really enjoyed it. I think I've got a crush on young Elliott Gould (old Elliott Gould is okay, too, he's just a little old for me, you know).
4 Ft. of Golden Sandwich

Wilbur (Wants to Kill Himself):

I remember seeing a trailer for this along time ago, and thinking it looked funny. It's not.
2 Ft. of Misleading Golden Sandwich

Troy: We have a special guest reviewer today. It's my special lady friend, Leslee.

Let me start by saying I've read the The Aeneid a couple of times. Yes, it's been a few years since then, but I may as well have not known anything about the story, because they glossed over most everything with a golden glow and the occasional slow-mo. No goddesses, no golden apple, no anything remotely good, with the exception of Brad Pitt's thighs. You get to see those a lot. There's also lots of strange slow-mo jumping/stabbing motions.
1 Ft. 6 Inches of Golden Brad Pitt Rump Roast Sandwich

Man Without a Past:

This has to be one of the driest comedies ever, but it really works. It's a Finnish film about a man who gets beat up in a park, left for dead, and wakes up with no memory of his life whatsoever. He begins to start his life over again, meeting a Salvation Army worker and quickly falling in love. Then the pieces of his real life start to fall into place. I found myself laughing hysterically at a few parts. It's worth a watch.
3 Ft. 6 Inches of Golden Pannukakkua Sandwich (If you were wondering it's some sort of Finnish Pancake)

Black Christmas (1974):

This just recently came out on DVD, probably because they have some crappy remake in the works. This movie ruled. You can really see how influential it was. 'When a Stranger Calls' and 'Scream' are two prime examples of movies that have taken ideas directly from this one. It's directed by Bob Clark, of 'Christmas Story' and 'Porky's' fame, who has some good interviews in the extras on this disc.
It's really got everything you'd want in a horror flick, it takes place at a sorority house, there's creepy phone calls, a hard-nosed Lieutenant with his good for nothing Deputy, and plenty of death.
3 Ft. 6 Inches of Golden Sandwich

Coming Up soon on the queueueue:

Hostel

Disco Pigs

Russian Dolls

An Evening with Kevin Smith

Vera Drake

Everybody Hates Chris, Season One

Henry & June

Nobody Knows Anybody

I Am A Sex Addict