Movies-n-Stuff: Confessions of a Trick Baby

What a crazy weekend! Leslee was in Colorado for a D&D convention, so I had the place all to myself. I went tubing at the Ichetucknee (pronounced Itch-Uh-Tuckney) river with some friends. Then I had some barbeque and I may or may not have watched some naughty movies. Movies that I probably won't review. Movies that all have the same plot. That's right, I had a Steven Seagal marathon.

Movies watched:

Bio-Zombie

Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada

All The Presidents Men

Patton

Lady in The Water

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

Bio-Zombie: A Chinese zombie flick! 2 bootleg DVD sellers accidently feed some zombie juice to a guy they hit with their car. That guy bites two guys. Those two guys bite two guys each and so on and son on. 90% of this movie takes place in a mall, bringing obvious comparisons to Dawn of the Dead. Its funnier, though. More intentional comedy. I mean, come on, sushi made of human fingers! Classic! It's fun, but you have to be ready for some cheese. But, if you dig zombie flicks, you should be used to cheese, and if your used to cheese, then you should dig this movie.

Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada translated is Three Burials of Eric Estrada. I gotta say I was WAAAY disappointed in this movie. It won a couple of golden sandwiches at Cannes last year, but didn't do much at the American box office. Which, to be honest, usually means I'm gonna like it. Tommy Lee Jones starred in and directed this film. He seems to try a little too hard in his role as a distraught cowboy, upset over the killing of his illegal immigrant, Mexican best friend Eric (Melquiades). There are at least two ridiculous coincidences in this movie that are impossible to overlook, and make me think the writing could have been better. Also, the ending is super-sappy. I just can't handle super-sappy.

All The Presidents Men: Robert Redford AND Dustin Hoffman.Together!! I can hardly even stand it. So, I've never seen this before, and it was great. Good performances, good writing, good, good, good. It holds up. Let's not overlook an early performance by the dad from 7^th Heaven. But, man, seriously, that Jason Robards He's like, THE most magnetic dude ever on film. I could watch him watch paint dry for, like, ever.

Patton: I wasn't quite as enthralled with this, but it was good. George C. Scott was an amazing actor. I do prefer his quirkier stuff like "Dr. Strangelove" or "They Might Be giants", but he's pretty great in everything. My only complaint about this movie is the length. It felt very long. There are some extremely slow scenes.

Lady in the Water: I feel all mixed up inside. I watched this on Friday and I still haven't decided if I liked or not and probably never will. I keep telling myself, at least M. Night Shamomalon tried something different, but I don't know if I've convinced myself that the something different was good. I'm glad he didn't have a surprise ending, though. I think if I were 11 or 12 years old I would have enjoyed the movie a lot. A wacky group of people come together to save a mysterious water lady, who's pretty. That's the stuff that 12 year old dreams are made of. But, for adults, its the cheesy dialogue and M. Night the Egomaniac that turns us off. I usually don't like to spoil a plot, so if you don't want to be spoiled skip the rest of this. This dude, Shemammalon, who is not a good actor, actually put himself in a role, that is, literally, supposed to be the most important person on Earth. How could he do that and NOT expect people to think he is a total egomaniac! I don't get it. That's the sort of thing that distracts me from just enjoying the movie. Can't this dude just make a movie with a good plot, no twist ending, not put himself in it, get rid of the cheesy dialogue, and shut the hell up. If he could do all of that, he'd be making good movies.

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang: Robert Downey Jr. and The Val (Val Kilmer) star in this campy film noir. I really enjoyed it. It seems like The Down Man is back in old form: first in A Scanner Darkly and now in this. He is definitely mixing some of himself into his characters now-a-days. His character is frantic and wacky, as he stumbles into becoming an actor, thus getting mixed up with The Val, who portrays a consultant, training the Down Man how to be a P.I. The Down Man quickly gets in too deep, and blah blah blah. The plot doesn't really matter. Plots for most film noirs don't really matter. They all get wrapped up with a pretty little bow at the end.
I was relieved to find that The Val had a smaller role than I originally thought. I'm not really a fan, but he was good in this. It's one of those times where the character just fits the actor, so he doesn't have to try very hard. Watch It!

I've got a headache from all this movie watchin'.

-Dan

Coming up on the Queueueueueueueu:

North Country

Save the Green Planet!

War of the Worlds

Soldier's Pay

Forbidden Zone