Movies-n-Stuff: Back in Action

So, in between Leslee puking her guts out, watching my Bengals whoop up on some Steelers and mowing the lawn, I watched some movies this weekend. We've also been watching the second season of Lost and I think, whether you like it or not, it's got to be one the most addictive shows ever, even if there is some dialogue that makes me violently ill.

Also, again, I would like to apologize for my lack of skill in the writing category… and most any other category. Please forgive me. All I hope is that you snicker every once in awhile. It doesn't even have to be out loud. Also, it doesn't really matter what my opinion is on any movie and you shouldn't take anything I say seriously, ever, because I'm an idiot.

Also, I've decided to add movie genres and my very own "Golden Sandwich" rating system to my reviews, let me know what you think.

6 in. Golden Sandwich – There are toenail clippings on this sandwich.
1 Ft. Golden Sandwich – This sandwich is about 2 weeks old and has mayo on it.

2 Ft. Golden Sandwich – Maybe 3 days old, but it's at least been kept in the fridge.

3 Ft. Golden Sandwich – Includes fancy mustard.

4 Ft. Golden Sandwich – The future of sandwiches, whatever that means.

5 Ft. Golden Sandwich - Best Sandwich EVER! It's got, like, fancy mustard with gold flakes in it....and probably has truffles on it, too. Horseradish...that sounds good.

Movies watched:

Bob le Flambeur (1955)

Dead Man's Shoes

13 Moons

Kicking and Screaming (not that one, the other one)

Undead

Bob le Flambeur:

Genre: Ol' School

Neil Jordan (The Crying Game) remade this into a decent Nick Nolte flick in 2002, but is incomparable to this 1955 French masterwork/piece/blaster. It's got a pretty simple plot: Lifetime gambler, one time bank robber, runs out of money and decides to try another heist. He gets a gang of dudes together to help him, one of which is his protégé of sorts. Bob meets a lady friend at a club, who his protégé quickly falls for and gets her to show us her boobies.
The DVD was released by Criterion, so the quality is fantastic, and that really helps, because the look and style is half of the movie.
4 ft. 6 in. Golden Sandwich

Dead Man's Shoes:

Genre: Nutty Revenge
Another simple plot: dude leaves town, his mentally handicapped brother gets picked on a lot while he's gone, then he comes back to exact some serious revenge, and perhaps some death. A stellar performance from Paddy Consodine, who I've only seen in "In America", but would now probably watch anything with him in it. My only complaint is that this movie is SUPER Irish and it's hard to understand some of what these dudes are saying. Usually that's not a problem, I just click on those totally sweet English subtitles and I'm golden, but they don't have English subtitles! So, I had to rewind some scenes, like, eight times to understand them. I know, that's more my fault then theirs, but it hurt the flow a little bit. Anyway, if you enjoy creepy dudes in gas masks, painful death or picking on the handicapped, this is your movie!
4 ft. Golden Sandwich

13 Moons:

Genre: Overly Indie
This is one of those indie flicks that has a lot of stars, Jennifer Beals, Steve Buscemi, Peter Dinklage, Peter Stormare, etc. and a critically acclaimed director, Alexandre Rockwell, but just doesn't have enough story to be good. In other words, it seems like all of these people just wanted to work together, but didn't have any great ideas, so they just decided to wing it. It's all shot on DV too, so it's got this weird home movie/soap opera kinda feel to it. Anyways, it's about a group of strangers who end up searching the big city for a guy who is escaped a hospital and is dying, so he can donate a kidney to a friend's kid. It kind of like "Cannonball Run" meets one of the not so good Woody Allen movies (perhaps Curse of the Jade Scorpion). Ouch.

2 Ft. Golden Sandwich

Kicking and Screaming:

Genre: Blablabla

I think I'm going to consider this the snotty sequel to "Dazed and Confused". Perhaps after those "D & C" kids go to college, get some smarts and don't know what to do with the rest of their lives. Noah Baumbach (The Squid and the Whale, Co-writer on Life Aquatic) has definitely gotten better since this first attempt at writing and directing. This follows a group of "Gen-Xers" as they graduate college, break up with ladies, hook up with ladies and play fun little trivia games in bars. The ending made me feel all fuzzy and cuddly.
Leslee was fooled into thinking this was the "other" Kicking and Screaming, and now I'm being forced to watch "that" one. So, you'll probably see a review of "it" next week. It looks like a piece of crap, though.
3 Ft. Golden Sandwich

Undead:

Genre: Zombedy

I've been looking forward to reviewing this one. It's an Australian zombie flick with just a flare of science fiction thrown in there. A meteor storm hits a small fishing village in Australia turning everyone they hit into flesh-eating zombies, than aliens show up. This is not the best zombie movie, or the best comedy, and it's definitely not the best science fiction movie I've seen, but when you role those three genres together, I'm pretty sure this is the only movie left standing. It's also got a 50's horror throwback kinda feel. Anyways, the real reason to watch this movie is the zombie fish. ZOMBIE FISH! It's a short scene, but well worth it.
Oh yeah, the movie is about a beauty pageant winner who meets a dude who is really good at fighting zombies and they fight zombies together and run around. That's about it.

3 Ft. 6 Inches of Golden Zombie Sandwich