Movies-n-Holidays-n-Stuff

So, Thanksgiving was good. We had dinner with Leslee's fam on Thanksgiving day, then my fam came up to Tally from Orlando and we had dinner on Saturday. Also, on T-Day night I became one of those crazy peple who wait in line for 12 hours to save seventy bucks on a printer. I'm still sleepy.

You'll notice a slight theme with these movies. I think it's because of all this holiday cheer goin' around, but I've been watching some really gorey, violent movies. Is there something wrong with me. Usually I love the holidays, but I'm not feelin' them as much this year. Jerkface holidays.

One other thing, I had to have some tests done on my muscles the other day. I think life was getting revenge on me for calling the holidays Jerkfaces, because it was the most painful set of tests I've ever had to go through. The dude put an electrode on my funny bone and shocked the crap out of it, like, 15 times. Seriously! It sucked. Then he started with the needles all up and down my right side, jamming them in the muscles and moving them around, then shoving them in deeper. Just thinking about it makes me hurt. Feel sympathy for me. Send me money or candy or something.

Let's go for a zombie theme this time.

6 in. Zombie Sandwich – This sandwich is made without any human flesh whatsoever.
1 Ft. Zombie Sandwich – This sandwich has, like a pinky toe, but is mostly filler, such as romaine lettuce and sprouts.
2 Ft. Zombie Sandwich – This sandwich has three or four fatty fingers on it.
3 Ft. Zombie Sandwich – This is made with a nice human rump.
4 Ft. Zombie Sandwich – This is a hand sandwich.
5 Ft. Zombie Sandwich – This sandwich is made with lots of fresh human brains!!

I want you to know, it's not that the sandwiches are zombies, it's that the sandwiches are for zombies to eat. Get it?

Movies Watched:

Battle Royale

Lady Vengeance

Audition

Flushed Away

Phantasm

Cronos

Vengeance of the Zombies

Cabin Fever

Sky High

Ong Bak: The Thai Warrior

X3: The Last Stand

Re-Animator

Battle Royale:
This is a Japanese flick about the not to distant future, when adults just can't handle teenagers anymore and send them off to an island where they are forced to kill each other. The last one standing is the winner. What they win, I have no idea, but I don't think its bragging rights, because anyone they would brag to they have now killed. This was recommended by my buddy Aaron, and I've been thanking him ever since. It's totally worth checking out.
Each kid gets a bag with a weapon, ranging from a machine gun to a giant fan, some supplies and a map. The map is a grid of the island and every hour "they" announce a danger zone. It's basically to keep the kids on the move. Anyways, there's a lot of blood and death, and even a neck explosion.

4 Ft. Zombie Sandwich

Lady Vengeance:

This is the last in Chan-Wook Park's revenge trilogy. It's interesting, because the trilogy gets less violent as it goes on. This is definitely more character driven. Or maybe it's that I'm getting used to the violence. Maybe I need to switch to another medium, like video games, or a fight club or something, so I can get back that feeling of seeing some really gross violence in a movie.
Anyways, Oldboy is still my favorite of the three, but this rules hard.

4 Ft. of Zombie Sandwich

Audition:

Remember in that last review when I was talking about how I had become desensitized to violence and stuff. Also, do you remember, earlier, when I was talking about those horrible tests I had to have. This movie starts out so slow, you almost want to turn it off, but those last 15 minutes are a doozy. Let's just say, those 15 minutes, involve needles, like the ones used for my test, and perhaps a dudes chest and/or eyeballs. Now, if you like this sort of thing, you should watch this movie, because it's tight! But if you don't like needles and eyeballs and stuff like that, then you should avoid this movie AT ALL COSTS!!

3 Ft. 6 Inches of Zombie Sandwich

Flushed Away:

We took Leslee's cousins to see this while their parents were out anniversarying. It lacks most of the charm that Wallace and Gromit has, and mostly resorts to cheesy slapstick kinda stuff. Also, it's computer animated, instead of clay-mation, and I think that sucks.

2 Ft. of Zombie Sandwich with Wensleydale

Phantasm:

So, I've never seen Phantasm before, but, like I said I've been wanting to watch some gory bloody fun, so I bought this at a blockbuster, used, for a couple of bucks. Totally worth it. It's definitely got some cheese, but man, it rules! Now I totally want to watch the rest of them, but Netflix only has Phantasm 4. I've gotta find me some more Phantasm!!
So, there's a kid and his brother and another dude, who stumble into a plot at a funeral home, headed by a character named Tall Man, who is stealing bodies and using them for some weird stuff. There are weird little dwarves and flying chromed spheres, too. It's tight.

3 Ft. of Alien Zombie Sandwich

Cronos:

This was another used bin find. I was super excited, since I've never seen it before and have heard how great it is. It totally lived up to the hype. Guillermo del Toro, who directed Devil's Backbone and Hellboy, is turning into one of my favorite directors.

It's about an older man, and his grand daughter, who find a device in an old antique, that allows you to live forever. The drawback is that it's, basically, like crack, you have to keep doing it and doing it. There is also another old dude looking for this magical broach and he's got a nephew, played by Mr. Ron Perlman, himself, who has to be one of the weirdest looking people on the planet.
Anyways, you should all check this movie out.

4 Ft. 6 Inches of Zombie Sandwich

Vengeance of the Zombies (1973):

A forgettable zombie flick about an Indian guru dude that unleashes a hord, or a gaggle, or a gang, or a whatever of zombies on a nice quiet little town. The best part of this movie is the soundtrack, which is super over the top and hilarious. I didn't expect much, I bought it for $1 at a CVS.

1 Ft. of Zombie Sandwich

Cabin Fever:

Attractive young people at a cabin in the middle of nowhere, drinking and sexing. You know something bad is going to happen. It turns out there's a flesh eating virus goin' around, watch out everybody!!
This was actually worth a watch, sort of…maybe. I haven't decided, yet.

2 Ft. 6 Inches of Rotten Human Flesh Sandwich

Sky High:

So, my sister and her fam came up for the holiday and I watched through the screaming sounds of my nephew Aiden, who did not want to sleep. I think the only reason I wanted to see it was because Bruce Campbell was in it. He was pretty funny, but I was surprised by the other supporting roles, such as Lynda Carter (AKA Wonder Woman) as the principal, and Dave Foley and Kevin McDonald from Kids in The Hall. For the most parts the movie is a stinker, though. It's basically a smoosh between The Incredibles and Harry Potter.

2 Ft. of Super Zombie Sandwich

Ong Bak: The Thai Warrior:

This is a fun kung-fu flick. It claims there are no stunt doubles or strings or "magic". My guess is Tony Jaa is really a kung-fu robot. It would be better, if it had some sort of plot. It's about how this Buddha head type thing gets stolen from this remote village and the dude (Jaa) who has to retrieve it. Somehow, he ends up fighting in an underground gambling club… over and over again.

3 Ft. of Pad Thai Zombie Sandwich

X3: The Last Stand:

So, I had heard a lot of bad things and a few good things about this before seeing it. I generally enjoyed it, but not quite as much as the first two. It definitely replaces some of the character development, which there wasn't much of to begin with, with more action. I thought Frasier was a pretty good Beast and Vinnie Jones was a decent Juggernaut. Overall, it was fun, but I don't think there's any reason to ever watch this again.

3 Ft. of Mutant Zombie Sandwich

Re-Animator:

This is one of those "classic" horror flicks, that for some reason or another I had just never seen. I'm sure some people out there would consider this a sin, but, what can I say, I'm trying to catch up. This rules. It's got the perfect mixture of eighties nerd and goofy horror, to make it awesome.

http://i104.photobucket.com/albums/m183/dboldman/reanimator.jpg

This dude rules.
3 Ft. of Re-Animated Zombie Sandwich

Coming Up on the Queueueueueue:

Rockers (1977)
Infernal Affairs II

49 Up

The Beast master

Troy

Slither

Disco Pigs
Hostel

Library finds:

Wilbur (Wants to Kill Himself)

Virgil Bliss

The Man Without a Past

Reel Paradise (Documentary)

Hearts and Minds (Documentary from 1974)

Salesman (A Maysles Brothers documentary from 1968 that I've wanting to see for a long time, but couldn't find it to rent it anywhere and wasn't willing to spend the 40 bucks for it, but it turns out the government paid for it for me!! YAY!!)

Seriously guys, if you have any sort of recommendation, I'm always looking for good movies to watch. Show me, show me, show me.

Lastly, my friend JLP directed me to this awesome poster for a movie version of Will Eisner's "The Spirit". It's going to be directed by Frank Miller who also did the poster art. I can't wait.
http://i104.photobucket.com/albums/m183/dboldman/SPIRIT.jpg